


FNAF Ruined My Sex Life

by the_sun_is_a_deadly_laser



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Not Really Angry, Petty Anger, Silent Treatment, They Communicate Thru the Cat, They're Just Immature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25700386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_sun_is_a_deadly_laser/pseuds/the_sun_is_a_deadly_laser
Summary: Ryan gets mad at Shane for making him play Five Nights at Freddy's. Shane tries to act cute to win Ryan's attention and affection back.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	FNAF Ruined My Sex Life

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell that i'm listening to Markipler play fnaf in the background
> 
> do y'all like my title? bc i do. i think I'm very funny.

"OH MY GOD! UH, FUCKIN- FUCKIN- FUCKIN BUNNY BITCH-!" 

"It's Bonnie," Shane said, amused. 

"AND THAT _FUCKING DUCK IS TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME, SHANE."_

"Her name is Chica. And she's a chicken." 

_"I DON'T CARE WHAT THEIR NAMES ARE."_

"Annnnnnd the bear's name is Freddy." 

"I can't believe that I let you talk me into playing this," Ryan huffed, checking the cameras. He put the camera down and _screamed._ Golden Freddy was onscreen and Shane laughed. 

"Oh, cool, Golden Freddy!" 

Ryan looked at him with wide eyes. "What?!" 

Shane shook his head. "Don't worry about it. You've got other shit going on. Pay attention." 

Ryan turned back and checked the doors, where Chica was waiting. He screamed, closed the door, and yelled, "Ducky, ducky, quack quack quack! Ducky, Ducky, quack quack quack! Ducky, ducky, go away! Ducky, ducky, no one loves you!" 

He burst out laughing as Ryan screamed at him to "shut the everloving motherfuck up." 

"Ryan, you gotta calm down," he warned. "You're running out of power." 

"I know, Shane! I'm well a-fucking-ware!" 

Sounds of running metallic footfalls came down the hall and Ryan checked the cameras, Shane grinning because he knew what was about to happen. Ryan managed to get a quick glance of Foxy running down the hallway to him and he screamed, put down the cameras, and tried to close the doors. 

He was too late. 

Foxy burst through the door, screaming, which made Ryan actually fall out of his chair, and killed Ryan in-game.

Shane, laughing his ass off, looked down at Ryan, who was on the floor, his hands over his eyes, groaning and rolling around. 

"Fuck that," he said. "Fuck that forever." 

"You did pretty good," Shane commended. "You got to night two." 

"I should've just died," Ryan lamented. 

"I think about that all the time," Shane mused.

"I'm never talking to you again," he declared. Shane pouted. 

"You don't mean that," he teased. Ryan turned to Obi, who wandered over to see what the fuss was about. 

"Obi," he said. "I'm never talking to your father ever again." 

Shane put his head in his hand. "Well, good thing I'm not his father." 

He saw Ryan roll his eyes. "I'm never going to talk to your owner again." 

"But," Shane said, leaning forward to scratch behind Obi's ears, "it's a good thing that we can communicate through you. Because you can definitely speak English." 

"Obi," Ryan said in a loving voice, "I think you can understand me just fine. I think we have a connection. A connection so strong that I can tell what you're thinking and you can read my mind, too." 

"I'm so glad you're mine," Shane cooed to his cat. "You only love me because only _I_ feed you." 

Ryan pushed himself up quickly, saying, "Obi! Come on, bud. Let's get you some food." 

Shane stood up reproachfully. "No!" 

But Ryan was already over in the kitchen, opening a can, talking happily to Obi, who was meowing and rubbing against Ryan with his tail up. Shane pouted. 

"Obi!" he said. "Do you want some treats?" 

He ran over and shook the bag, but Obi kept following Ryan. 

"Yeah, you don't want a snack," Ryan said in a baby voice to Obi as he dumped food into his bowl, "you want a _meal._ Your owner is a goddamn fucking idiot." 

He said that Shane was a goddamn fucking idiot in the most condescending voice ever. Shane was so fucking in love with him. He put the treats back on the counter and crossed his arms like a child. 

Fine. 

\---

It had been three hours and Ryan was making dinner when Shane came back from doing something at the office. 

"Hey, Ry," he greeted. 

Ryan didn't say anything and he looked at his boyfriend. 

"Are you still doing this?" he sighed. Ryan's silence was Shane's answer. He stalked over and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist. "Ryannnnn," he whined. "Pay attention to meeeee." 

Ryan shoved Shane off of him. "Ah," he said to nothing, "I love living alone." 

Shane watched him get dinner, happy that Ryan wasn't heartless enough to not make him any. "I live here, too." 

Ryan walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Obi came up next to him. 

"So happy I adopted a cat and I live alone!" he said loudly. 

"Fuck you," Shane laughed as he got his own food. 

"So happy I don't have a stupid boyfriend who makes me play scary games because he likes seeing me scream." 

"I wanted you to play it because I thought you'd have fun," Shane protested. 

"Someday," Ryan almost yelled as Shane sat down next to him, "I'll find someone who knows me well enough to not make me _do stupid shit like that!"_

"You're so fucking annoying," Shane snickered. 

"And I'm worth it! I'm worth someone who cares enough about me to keep me safe from myself!" 

Shane rolled his eyes and took a bite of his burger. Ryan turned on a basketball game and he groaned. "No, Ry, not basketball."

"I love that I get to watch whatever I want whenever I want!" 

Shane leaned in and kissed Ryan's cheek. "Ryan," he begged, "please no basketball."

"I love watching basketball. I also love that no one is here to try and stop me." 

"Ryan..." 

"Maybe I should get on Grindr." 

"Ryan," Shane sighed. "I'm sorry." 

"I want someone tall," Ryan continued. 

Shane leaned back on the couch. So this was continuing. 

"Brown hair, brown eyes." 

Shane looked at Ryan, who was holding his chin like he was thinking. 

"White as fuck," he said thoughtfully. "A douchebag who makes fun of me believing in ghosts, which are real..." 

Shane grinned. 

"Someone like, 90% legs. Questionable fashion sense, grows weird-ass mustaches." 

Shane leaned over and kissed Ryan gently. Ryan leaned into it and moved their plates so he could straddle Shane's thighs. 

"I can't believe you," Ryan panted out sometime later. 

"Believe it," Shane said, biting Ryan's lower lip until he whined. 

"The worst-" He gasped as Shane pushed him onto his back. "Jesus, _Shane-"_

"Mm?" he hummed as he slowly unbuttoned Ryan's shirt. 

"Don't stop." 

Shane paused what he was doing and leaned up. Ryan frowned at him, confused. Shane grinned and said, 

"You know, I'm really hungry." 

He saw Ryan's face go red and dodged the pillow that was thrown at his face. 

"You _asshole-!"_

**Author's Note:**

> Does anybody have any prompts for me? I'm bored. Thanks!
> 
> also sorry, I'm far too asexual to comfortably write sex scenes.


End file.
